ADDICTED: a woman getting her daily "fix" of endorphins

Many, Many Moons Ago. I met this humanoid female who goes by the name “Shannon.” What her real name is, I do not know. I suspect she belongs to an advanced humanoid species from another galaxy, or that she was grown in a laboratory by some brilliant geneticist whose goal it was to create a being with a never-ending supply of energy. She now works at a ‘fitness’ center. Or at least that is her day job. I don’t know who she really works for. Right now, I fear she is infiltrating the ranks of academia. Her presumed intent: corrupting the bodies and minds of the future (civil) engineers of America. She has begun with the test subject called “Dave.”

There are many other individuals like her, and they live among us. They are a curious breed of biological machina that thrive on an addictive, endogenous substance known as “endorphins.” They are capable of generating these chemicals intrinsically, through an activity they call “exercise.” I fear their numbers are growing. They confer with one another in bizarre dens of ill-repute known as “gyms,” where they implement their nefarious methods for generating and extracting their endorphin-fuel. My fellow Earthlings, beware: they seek to convert you, to make your one of their kind. For the sake of your humanity, do not unite with their unholy legion.

my toothache at the quantum level.

This afternoon. A student of mine told me about the Large Hadron Collider, which is apparently capable of producing microscopic black holes. The student, however, was speculating about rumors he had heard about the inherent lack of safety in the process of colliding ions and perhaps creating matter dense enough to create a black hole which would then destroy the Earth.

‘This would be an unfortunate turn of events.’ I thought. ‘But at least it would take care of my toothache.’ That’s how bad this toothache is. I’ve tried flossing, rinsing with antiseptic, applying topical clove-oil. The one thing I haven’t tried is a super-dense black hole. My girlfriend tells me, however, that this Large Hadron Collider is relatively safe and that these black holes would only appear for fractions of a second and dissipate quickly. Damn.